i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
