i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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