I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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