So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
