HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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