Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
