thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
