Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
