My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think my vagina is haunted
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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