Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
