When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
