She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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