awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
