I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
