id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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