I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
