I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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