Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she peed on how many people?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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