youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
