Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
