thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
