i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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