ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
