Just fell off a train. Bad.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
