And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize