i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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