You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize