Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
