i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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