I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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