I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
