Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
