why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dear god my vagina.
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