Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Randomize
