Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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