We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize