Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
