your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
