It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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