i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
