There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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