we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
