Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
