I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
