i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
