i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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