soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
