I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
