I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
