Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
