Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to make out with him forever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
