I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
