In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
