thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
