I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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