There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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