Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
