I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
