I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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