Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
