ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i love accidental penises.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
