Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
