Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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