I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
