imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize