Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
