just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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