Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
