Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
