It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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