bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
